you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
