I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
