I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
