dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
