is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize