party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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