you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
