i don't like sucking hair
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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