I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
