Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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