now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
