5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Found your dick twin last night
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
