I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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