think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Are we still banned from the library?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
