Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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