You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize