the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
