You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
