I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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