i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
