She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
