in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
