My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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