we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
