ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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