well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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