Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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