I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
