just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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