Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It's shark week go big or go home
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
