evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
