her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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