hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
