i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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