With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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