nut hugger
My first STD was from a foam party
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
