i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
