im having a threesome with these popsicles
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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