At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
