Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
