3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
