I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
