also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize