I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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