it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
