Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
