I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize