i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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