youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
