All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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