so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize