I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
