I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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