I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
