The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
