Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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