Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
