Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
