i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
