So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
