apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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