Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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