It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
