i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
